Between Us

It started with something small. One of those everyday moments that shouldn’t matter. My husband said his stomach was gassy because he hadn’t eaten much on that day. First, it was “a bit at a standing buffet.” Later, it turned into a plate of fried rice cooked by a colleague. There, right there.. is a change of a story. But, I didn’t challenge him. I didn’t accuse him. I simply tried to help. “Do you want to eat something?” I asked. I suggested a tuna sandwich. Instead of giving direct yes or no, he said  "You shouldn’t eat bread on an empty stomach without protein." I paused. Tuna is protein. So I suggested an omelette instead. Then he said, “Make me an egg sandwich.” I was confused. Not angry, certainly not confrontational. So I asked a simple question: “If tuna sandwich isn’t okay, why is egg sandwich okay?” That was when everything shifted. His tone changed. He became defensive. Suddenly, the issue wasn’t food. It was me “ questioning ” him. At some point, he ...

"When I asked my husband 'why' he made a certain statement, I was met with an unexpected snap. I thought I was seeking understanding, but he heard criticism. This got me thinking - is 'why' a question that can be loaded with unintended meaning in relationships? 🤔" That reaction is actually quite common, and it usually has more to do with him than with you. A few key reasons: 1.  He feels personally attacked Some people tie their opinions to their identity. When you question the idea, they hear “you’re wrong” or “you’re not smart”, even if that’s not your intention. 2. Insecurity or fragile confidence If someone isn’t fully confident in what they believe, disagreement can trigger defensiveness. Snapping becomes a quick way to protect their ego. 3. They’re not used to being challenged People who grow up in environments where they aren’t questioned may see disagreement as disrespect rather than normal conversation. 4. Emotional reasoning over logical reasoning W...